Thursday, March 12, 2009

Big Dilemma!

It's a dilemma.

You see, I have been doing a maternity cover at a very nice comprehensive school in a very nice rural area. It started half way through the summer term last year and was due to last the best part of the year.

It's been a mixed bag of course. Somehow I seem to have managed to end up with a seriously large proportion of bottom set teaching, which can be ... challenging, and the journey in is, at 38 miles each way... tedious.

On the other hand, teaching does have huge advantages. Not many kids want to be taught in the holidays or after school, and as such you are usually free to be at home when your children are. Plus, as I am only working three days a week, I have time to do vital planning and preparation ...... on blogger and facebook.

So when I found out last week that it would indeed be coming to an end half way through May I was gutted. Of course, there was a little issue of hurt pride perhaps in that no-one wants to be rejected... and the little fact that as a trained teacher who had previously spent very little time in formal classrooms over the last twenty years, despite much teaching and dealing with children by running theatre schools, I have had to put in quite a lot of effort, just to do the job properly so to speak.

I moped.

And I moped some more.

In the end, Hubby could stand it no more.

"I don't understand you he said. You can use the time to do more acting, to be freelance and to work around the family commitments more. That is what you have always wanted. Now that we are fostering, it means that you have more flexibility. So what is your problem?"

What indeed? He had a point.

For the first time in twenty years I could actually do what I wanted to do, and life would and could be better.

I went into school on the Monday, feeling much more positive. Only eight weeks to finishing with a holiday in between. The end was in sight.

Then the Head called me in... "Would I possibly be interested in more work in September?" Very unofficial as yet....... But they want me it seems.

I am of course the girl who can't say no, so me immediate reaction was.. "Yes", "Great"...

"Why?" Said Hubby when I got home...

I went to Actors Lab in the evening. My acting class for the not quite made it, maybe they will maybe they won't professional actors.

"Don't commit yourself" my friends said. Everyone loves each other at Actors Lab. And I love Actors Lab. "Do some acting. It's what you have wanted to do but you have too been committed previously".

So ... I tossed and turned... and tossed and turned that night.

And then I tossed and turned some more...

If I took teaching seriously... maybe I could head up a drama department somewhere in a couple of years... I would have professional respect. A good salary...

But on the other hand... may be I could act in something like Waterloo Road....

Oh ... O.K ...

But I could do my workshops, role play work and voice overs and some stage acting...

And I would have time to write.

And as I would have large proportions of time not working, I would be there for the children even more than teachers are...

But on the other hand... I could teach until I was sixty and then act..

But then the parts are so LIMITED for sixty year old women...

So, maybe I would be better getting established now while I'm still young enough....

You get the gist.

It's a BIG dilemma...

P.S.
Thank you for all your kind comments about Abdul. Sadly, we have now had a letter from the Home Office saying that if he turns up now he is liable for detention.... I do wish that Social Services would tell them the whole story before they placed them (as non English speakers) in families. He probably had NO idea of all this......

And ..... Very sadly Hubby's Grandmother died this week. She was 91 and at the end very poorly. But.. it was all very quick. She had been healthy only a couple of weeks earlier. So it was still a shock for all concerned and very very sad.....

8 comments:

Jane said...

Hi Sally. My condolences to your hubby, please pass them on. I remember losing my grandmother when she was 98, and everyone assumed it was totally expected and that you wouldn't be sad, but I was, a lot.

Acting vs teaching - your choice of course. I have one tongue in cheek comment - I think there are better parts for 60-70-70 year old women than 40-50 year olds, sadly. More characters.

Sally said...

Thank you Jane x

Asha said...

So sorry about granny and Abdul too. Hugs to you.

Got to learn to say NO when needed even if it means some will feel bad, or else you will end up stressed and nobody is happy at home!:)

ChrisB said...

Sally I'm so sorry to hear about your hubby's loss my condolences to him and your family.
I've been wondering if you had got any news of Abdul.

You have some tough decisions re acting v teaching. Will eagerly await the outcome!

Akelamalu said...

Condolences to your hubby Sally. Seems like you have a big decision to make re teaching. Why not write a list of pros and cons - it usually works for me! :)

Karmyn R said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your husband's grandmother. My condolences.

And oh - steady paycheck on one hand - life's wishes on the other. Good luck with that decision. (I agree with Akelamalu - a pro VS con list usually works for me too!)

Sally said...

Thanks Asha, Chris, Karmyn and Ak :)

elena jane said...

so sorry to hear about hubby's gran.

shame you cannot do both your loves, teaching and acting. perhaps teaching acting....nah, never mind...just wanting it all for you dear sally :)