Friday, August 17, 2007

Communication is a wonderful thing.

I was just getting to the bottom of my favourite post holiday job.

The mail.

You know how it is. All your favourite people writing to you. Loan sharks, insurance companies, banks. Not to mention the 655 emails offering me things to enhance parts of my body that I didn't even know I had.

Then, the phone rang.

"Can I speak to Mr. Lom-m-max please?"

"I'm sorry, he's not available. Can I help, I'm his wife."

"Is that Mrs. Lom-m-m-ax?"

"Yes, I believe so."

Having established that he was from Talk Talk, he then proceeded to take every piece of available personal information from me needed to rob my bank accounts of their overdrafts, before telling me why he was calling.

He informed me that we had an amount outstanding on our account.

I explained that I had paid the bill in full on 25th July, prior to going away, by internet banking. (I'm beginning to like internet banking. If you get it right, you can nearly get away without talking to call centres. It's not quite as good as my tin pot method, but it's a compromise...)

"But the last direct debit we received on this account Mrs. Lom-m-max was in May."

"Yes, that's because I pay you directly by internet banking."

Communication in these communication companies is a wonderful thing.

"So do you not want to set up a direct debit?"

"No. I prefer to pay you the way I do."

"But there is an outstanding balance."

"I think that you will find, that you are probably sitting on my payment for for the statutory three weeks before processing it. That is how it is shown on the bill every month. I'll go and check my accounts, and if you haven't been paid, I will pay you. If you have, then I'm sure that you will find it just in time for the next bill, as always." (Or perhaps I should have said, "Once you have gained as much as you can from the high interest account that it is currently sitting in...")

"But would you prefer to set up a direct debit anyway?"


.............Thank you."

They had been paid. I checked.

Their days are numbered though I fear, for as I walked over the road to buy some milk, I met a man who was working out where cable networking could be put in our village.

Eat you heart out Talk Talk. We might be able to get cheap telephones and internet connections soon!


little gymnast said...

I liked this one, but I didn't understand some of it!

la bellina mammina said...

Yeah, me too!

Asha said...

Post vacation mail and laundry!!:D
LOL @ "I am Mrs.Lomax and Are you his wife?* How dumb of him!
Sorry your village is going to be flooded with city stuff.Old World is becoming rare or extinct now!!
Hope you had great holiday Sally!:)

Beccy said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one to recive those 665 emails after a break!

I guess Talk Talk may soon be taking a walk, walk!

john.g. said...

They really are crap aren't they?

Hope you had a good holiday!

Ignorminious said...

I get so sick of utility companies. Surely there has to be a better way? I've just recieved a water bill for £106 to cover a period of .....9 days. Given that for several of those days I wasn't at homea and the rest I was very careful with my water usage, I think there may be a mistake. After all, that is more water that I would normally use in 6 months.

Akelamalu said...

I leave the bills to MWM!:)

ChrisB said...

Sally I don't want to put you off cable but I am still trying to sort out a problem about payment from May when we had one box removed and I can no longer get channels I'm paying for on one of the remaining boxes and they have not made the correct refunds. Yes I'm on direct debit so they don't care maybe I should cancel this to make them take notice !!
BTW which cable company will it be ???

Karmyn R said...

Cable internet is a WONDERFUL thing. And mail after holiday is kind of overwhelming for me... I always have way too much junkmail to go through.

Sally Lomax said...

Hi LG! Thank you! I don't understand it either btw!
La B: THank you!
Asha: Well hpefully it won't show! And yes, he was definitely dumb!!LOL!
Beccy: I think they may!
John: Aren't they?! And yes, thank you.
Ig : You should definitely challenge that one!
Ak: I would, but it sort of became my job when we first got married 21 years ago. I'm not sure how, and I would certainly swap!
Hi Chris: Not sure yet. It was a man from BT that I met, marking where the BT connections were, so that the Cable company would know where they could safely put their cables. Will let you know when I find out!
Karmyn: My brother has had it for some time, and he certainly likes it. Couldn't be worse than good old Chitter Chatter anyway.

Alice Band said...

I had a 'chat' with someone from BT this week regarding my bill. It is so hard to communicate and have an easy repartee with soemone living millions of miles away in Mumbai. The thing is whenever I say something like that I sound like Enoch Powell, which i really am not!!!

Pamela said...

I feel sorry for the low totems that have to call people to beg for money.
I get calls from every charity known to man.

The caller just wants a paycheck.... and then I skewer them and cook them over the open fire.... sigh.

We should form a team, Sally!

Pamela said...

oh.. yeah.. forgot about calling the other side of the world.

usually India. and usually his name is Joe and hers is Susan.

pierre l said...

It doesn't half fill you with confidence about their ability to handle direct debits if they have so much trouble with internet payments, does it?

enidd said...

Sally, Enidd has been having more banking fun with Wells Fargo. These people really are the pits.

Sally Lomax said...

They are still telling me they haven't been paid. Short of standing on top of their office roofs with superenlarged copies of six months of actual bank statements, showing that the payments have gone through I am beginning to be at a loss as to how I can prove payment!! I am currently awaiting a phone call from them when they have checked their payment system, which interestingly is "down".