Friday, July 13, 2007


"I'll go up on the roof this evening and sort them out." Says Hubby.

I nip into the local town and and do my bit by buying some stuff that should work.

Call ED to tell her the news that although since she left this morning the house has become invaded by black and yellow mini monsters, mostly hanging around outside her window, that she doesn't need to worry, because Hubby is on the case and will have them gone in no time.

The location of the nest of said uninvited guests appears to be on the roof.

"He can't go up on the roof", she protests. "Mum. Tell him he can't go up on the roof."

Undeterred, Hubby climbs up onto the first level. Then onto the next bit of the roof. Then onto the top. I'm inside the house at this point.

My mobile rings.


He's fallen down I think. He's lying in the drainpipe with one leg still on the roof.

"Sal, can you come outside?"

"Why?" I say.

Yes, he has definitely fallen off, I think again. I know he has. From top to bottom, and now having managed to survive, he is paralysed, unable to move and needs me to get an ambulance.

I rush outside to see the extent of the damage.

No sign of Hubby.

"Where are you?" I call.

"I'm up here. On the roof."

I look up into the skies and there is hubby, a dot on the horizon.

Huge house with huge mortgage for huge family is three stories high of course, with 9 ' high Georgian ceilings.

It's a long way to the top.

"Can you just direct me to where that hole is? You know? The one in the lead flashing just above ED's window?"

I direct him.

He sprays generously telling all unwanted guests on roof to disappear forever and never come back to darken our rooftops again.

We agree that the job is done. I then go inside to wash the blood spots off my hands, while he climbs off the roof again.

Five minutes later, no sign of Hubby.

I'll call the ambulance first I think. That way it can be making its way here, and I'll waste no time.

Something stops me and instead I go outside again. Still no sign of Hubby anywhere.

Go to the front of the house. He's climbing down there.

Eventually he gets back down.

We go into the garden to inspect the progress of the departing wasps.

"I didn't mean that hole in the flashing", says Hubby. "I meant that one."


Wendz said...

Aah men and DIY - I can't bear it. Best to get the experts in and let them deal with it. It will cost more but at least your marriage is safe. ;)

meredic said...

Huge mortgage....time to check the insurance policies.
Mind your back dl.

Lisa said...

I can just imagine that as I'm reading, funny, but scary!
I try not to look when my husband does such 'work.'

john.g. said...

That is all!

Asha said...

Hahaha!! That was hilarious!
I did that last week,went up the on the roof to seal the drain pipe and came back down.It rained next day and found out that I sealed the wrong crack! Up I go again this weekend!:P

Beccy said...

Poor hubby but look on the bright side - he's an expert now and will complete the job in half the time!

Sally Lomax said...

Wendz - Perhaps!
Meredic - He will!
Lisa - Scary indeed.
John - Yes!
Asha - Poor you. Can fully sympathise!
Beccy - Perhaps he could start a part time business!

pierre l said...

It's a good story well told. But I am afraid I am very much with ED; D sounds positively irreplaceable. Please don't let him go on the roof again.
And as for the marital arguments that a simple mistake in identifying the correct opening could lead to, that doesn't really bear thinking about either.

Ignorminious said...

Hehe opps :) So glad there are no wasps here. Though I guess since I'm moving out it doesn't matter too much :D

Beccy said...

Good idea Sally then huge mortgage on huge house might decrease a little (though not if he fixes the wrong things)!!!

Pamela said...

My hubby has niks and cuts all over all the time. I get so frustrated with him.

yellow jackets??? our paper wasps build those ingenious little hanging baskets that they live in under the eaves - and come out and attack our barbecued chicken

belle said...

Oh, I sympathise, our roof builder came round last night and said there was a wasp nest in one of the dormers ... totally innaccessible by humans. So a job for the Council, I think!

ChrisB said...

I wish I could get embee on the roof we have a couple of tiles that need replacing - on second thoughts with his weight he'd probably break more than he fixes!!

la bellina mammina said...

Mine would have just told me to call someone to do the dirty work, men..!!

Jayne said...

That really made me laugh. Glad the ambulance wasn't needed!!!!

elena jane said... how are the bees??
we've actually done this "climb on the roof and get wasp nest"! it was huge....hubby sprayed and then we RAN! the bees just dropped DEAD to the ground for hours. now i won't let them get larger than my thumbnail before we spray them. i am always on BEE alert!!

Sally Lomax said...

Hi Pierre/Ig/ Beccy/ Pam/belle/ Chris/ La Bellina/ Jayne and Elena Jayne
Wasps now all gone now. Turned out they were actually bees, and as they were in the rafters of the roof I guess we may have had a honey flooded ceiling before long too. Now that would have been a laugh! Took a couple more goes with the "stuff", but in fact the proper hole in the flashing was in the end reachable from an upstairs window, so we took the safer option, once we realised that there was one!
Amazing what a bit of planning can do...