"I'll go up on the roof this evening and sort them out." Says Hubby.
I nip into the local town and and do my bit by buying some stuff that should work.
Call ED to tell her the news that although since she left this morning the house has become invaded by black and yellow mini monsters, mostly hanging around outside her window, that she doesn't need to worry, because Hubby is on the case and will have them gone in no time.
The location of the nest of said uninvited guests appears to be on the roof.
"He can't go up on the roof", she protests. "Mum. Tell him he can't go up on the roof."
Undeterred, Hubby climbs up onto the first level. Then onto the next bit of the roof. Then onto the top. I'm inside the house at this point.
My mobile rings.
He's fallen down I think. He's lying in the drainpipe with one leg still on the roof.
"Sal, can you come outside?"
"Why?" I say.
Yes, he has definitely fallen off, I think again. I know he has. From top to bottom, and now having managed to survive, he is paralysed, unable to move and needs me to get an ambulance.
I rush outside to see the extent of the damage.
No sign of Hubby.
"Where are you?" I call.
"I'm up here. On the roof."
I look up into the skies and there is hubby, a dot on the horizon.
Huge house with huge mortgage for huge family is three stories high of course, with 9 ' high Georgian ceilings.
It's a long way to the top.
"Can you just direct me to where that hole is? You know? The one in the lead flashing just above ED's window?"
I direct him.
He sprays generously telling all unwanted guests on roof to disappear forever and never come back to darken our rooftops again.
We agree that the job is done. I then go inside to wash the blood spots off my hands, while he climbs off the roof again.
Five minutes later, no sign of Hubby.
I'll call the ambulance first I think. That way it can be making its way here, and I'll waste no time.
Something stops me and instead I go outside again. Still no sign of Hubby anywhere.
Go to the front of the house. He's climbing down there.
Eventually he gets back down.
We go into the garden to inspect the progress of the departing wasps.
"I didn't mean that hole in the flashing", says Hubby. "I meant that one."
Sally's writing is about being a mother of five, now all too grown up, children, (four girls, one boy) a husband, a dog, and a serious ambition to be a mortgage free and famous actress, voice over artist, broadcaster, writer and teacher.
The "Cast" List for the blog includes:
Hubby - Her husband,
ED - Eldest Daughter,
ESOS - Eldest son only son,
Sensible - Second daughter,
Gymnast - Third daughter,
Tinkerbell Mushroom - Youngest daughter and youngest child,
Mad Dog - AKA Lucy - the border collie.
Guest appearances by MIL (mother in law), parents, two brothers, inlaws, nephews, nieces and great nephew.