Friday, June 29, 2007

Filling the gap!


"So are you bringing a foster child home tonight then?" says Tinkerbell Mushroom.

No, I say. Not tonight.

"So where are you going?"

"We're going on a course to learn how to be foster carers." I say.

"And then we'll have a foster child living with us?"

"Well, yes, but it may take a while. A few months."

A look of disappointment crosses her face.

"I think that we should have an eleven year old child." Says Gymnast. "That would fill the gap."

"I'm not sure that it works quite like that" I say.

From the conversation you will gather that we are considering being foster carers. Yes, I know we have plenty of our own, but we also have huge house for huge family, and huge family is growing up, so there is room for someone who needs and wishes to live in our mad family for a while. Besides, my friend Jenny sent me a card when Tinkerbell Mushroom was born, with a comment along the lines of offering to make some dresses from curtains for me. So perhaps it's time to fulfil the prophecy a little more. We're still three short of the Von Trapp family.

Of course, to children, it all seems so simple, and to them it wouldn't be unreasonable to have one that happens to fit into gap that I carelessly managed to leave out when having five children. And they don't understand that a placement is not necessarily a long term one.

Some people may not consider that we have much of a gap. With five children ranging currently from 7 to 16 there wasn't much space for many more pregnancies in the 9 and 3/4 years. But, it is true, there are four years between Sensible and Gymnast, which being more than the "around two years or less gaps" of the others is in their perception "a gap".

We may of course do supported lodgings though for 16+ year olds. Something favoured by the fostering team as they have so few who are willing to go down this route.

"No" protested ED. "We want a little one." By little one of course, she means "baby" that she can dress up and take to the park.

"In a few years" says Hubby, "you can have your own babies to mother, but right now whoever we foster needs to be part of this family and will be placed with us because they need a home for a while."

"I don't think that ESOS would like the thought of another older teenager though." She continues. ESOS, being on a school trip away in France is not here to comment. So the jury can remain out on that one.

The one good though, is that although they all have some very interesting ideas and visions of said foster placements, not one of them has objected to the thought of sharing their lives with another.

Yet.

And in the meantime we are only a few weeks into the course. We need to be approved as a suitable foster family, and um ... if they do deem us suitable candidates, have the house approved too. Electrics, plumbing, heating...

Now that will be an interesting few weeks...

33 comments:

la bellina mammina said...

Wow! Never heard of fostering chidren for a short period of time. I don't think we have it here. Is this the first time you're doing it?

Sally Lomax said...

We have never fostered before no.

We intened to do long term placements - but given that all children are from different circumstances, it may not be forever, as they may return to thier family.

Sally Lomax said...

p.s. Also some placements are short term emergency placements. Just depends on the situation.

Akelamalu said...

That's a wonderful thing you are volunteering for Sally. I think it's fantastic that your children are so 'open' to the idea too. Good luck with it all, I look forward to hearing you have been 'approved'!! :)

Beccy said...

Sally you are great to take on fostering and that both you and the hubby are so keen to get involed. I think you'd make great foster parents.

Lisa said...

Sally- That is a very admirable thing to do.
I wish we had the room to do something like that. There are so many children who need a healthy, safe environment, good for you for wanting to help.

Ignorminious said...

You are truly insane :)

john.g. said...

Are you going for a football team to challenge for the premiership?

Sally Lomax said...

Thanks Ak!
Thank you Beccy!
Lisa -That's true, and there just aren't enough placements available.
Ig - Yes I know! :)
John - We would, but most of the current brood are girly girls who hate football. More chance of singing on the Black mountains therefore!

Emma in Canada said...

My admiration for you just went through the roof! I always say that if i had the money and space I would foster, but I don't know that i really would.

Sally Lomax said...

Emma - You would I'm sure!

Karmyn R said...

I applaud you and your husband!!! Way to go.

This is not something I would think about until my own children are MUCH MUCH MUCH older.

enidd said...

wow, sally, most people would think five was enough. enidd thinks zero is enough! she has huge admiration for you and wishes she were as unselfish and generous with her time.

♥ED♥ said...

HAHAHA what Mushroombum said!
I wouldn't mind a child of any age really! Just would prefer somebody younger than me!
An eleven year old is a good idea though! And love her little theory to go with it!
So long, farewell, aufwiedersehen adieu...

swampwitch said...

What lucky children and kudos to you.
Foster parents are special.
When you have a second, please go back the your comment on my Bee Lavender and click on your name...something wrong with the link, I think.

Alice Band said...

You are not going to believe this Sally but I am in negotiations myslef with Pymouth Council and Social Services with regard to fostering. Uncanny.

Flowerpot said...

well done Sally and Alice for fostering - good on you. (I left a comment here yesterday and it doesnt seem to have made it - weird!)

Jayne said...

Good luck with the fostering course. A good friend of mine does a long term foster placement and also shorter ones with relief care. She loves it, the children are always great and going to her house is always so much fun. I think fostering is fantastic, is what I was trying to say. Phew!!

Best wishes.

headless chicken said...

Hi Sally
You and D will make fantastic foster carers. I salute you both for doing this....I don't think I could. I would worry about becoming too attached - though I guess they advise on how to deal with that. Your house will be even busier! I don't quite know what I will do to fill the gap when all of my kids are at school (sept.2011) Maybe I will come and give you a hand if you're still fostering!!!:)

Sally Lomax said...

Karmyn - Thank you!
Enidd - You have the Man, Stalin and Fluffy, and you did have Hank and Mrs. Hank, and their baby. Definitely NOT selfish!!
ED -You are 16 going on 17.....:)
Swampwitch - Thank you. Will have a look at the link.
Alice - I can believe it, because that is how our lives both seem to work. Weird though!! And good for you too.
Flowerpot - It's weird about my comments box. I saw your comment yesterday. I don't know where it went. I hope that there isn't a comments ghost stealing my commnents. I want all of them!!!
HC - You are welcome to give me a hand - when you have a bit of time in four years time!!! Thank you!:)

Sally Lomax said...

Jayne - Thank you! I'm really glad that your friend loves it so much. Makes you feel that you are talking the right course of action!
HC - Re getting attached, one of the things that's made quite clear on the course, is that you are very much the carer, and that you are simply providing a service where the parent is unable to. In many cases the parents are still very much in the picture which obviouly makes the attahment issue less of a problem. :)

Pamela said...

Because of my spiritual beliefs... I think we will all be accountable in the end for these children -- children that I should have opened my home to and loved.

So-- I'm totally supportive of you giving of yourself.
and so ashamed that I never did this.

I suppose it is never too late ... but I think younger parents are better suited.

God Bless you and your family!!!

Sally Lomax said...

Thanks Pam.

I must admit that I hadn't intended this post to be a "look at how good we are" statement. I'm not sure that we thought of it as being quite so noble.......

We just have space and like kids, so it seems like a sensible thing to do!

But thank you everyone. I'm very touched by all your comments.

meredic said...

'Electrics, plumbing, heating...'
That's me stuffed then.
And all those spare bedrooms going to waste...here hang on, if you want to farm out a few of yours Sal..
Mind you, I konw that they are all rather precious.
Oh well back to the drawing board.

elena jane said...

i'm rather late on this reply, but i wanted to lend my support as well. what a wonderful all around giving situation this will be, fostering is SO fabulous.
we all have so much love to give and share.
good luck with your journey!! :)

Anonymous said...

Also what as a result? acheter levitra en ligne I apologise, but, in my opinion, you are not right. I can prove it. Write to me in PM.

Anonymous said...

C'est la phrase simplement excellente http://runfr.com cialis generique avis achat cialis

Anonymous said...

Peut-ГЄtre, j'accepterai avec votre phrase cialis generique http://runfr.com/acheter-cialis viagra generique acheter cialis 20mg

Anonymous said...

l'idГ©e trГЁs utile cialis cialis

Anonymous said...

la phrase Magnifique et est opportun http://runfr.com achat viagra en ligne viagra sur le net

Anonymous said...

l'information trГЁs prГ©cieuse [url=http://runfr.com/cialis]tadalafil[/url] http://runfr.com/cialis quand prendre le cialis effets cialis 5mg duree totale de traitement par viagra

Anonymous said...

les analogues existent ? http://runfr.com/tag/cialis-generique cialis generique viagra sur le net

Anonymous said...

http://www.lastwordsbalnazzar.com/phpbb/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=99319&p=154692
http://ronpaulchat.net/forum/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=118244&p=187265
http://vit.alkohost.ru/forum/viewtopic.php?p=59217